Khamara: How did your evening class go?
Denise: I’m not sure. I mean after several weeks of learning and feeling that I might be getting closer to understanding some concepts and understanding of Greek wisdom, I came away confused.
Khamara: How come?
Denise: Well, if I understood it right….Focussing on the One, the all powerful the vast, the ineffable, the Mighty since beginning of time; if I try to know it or if I try to put words to it, it’s not possible. You can’t put words to what is unknowable and if I do it becomes not the One.
Khamara: Yes once defined it can’t be infinite. It has been defined and is enclosed.
Denise: And if we look at the other end of the scale and focus on the smallest unit which is called Matter, then again in reverse, if you name Matter and call it paper or a body cell or some such then it again has been delineated and made form and therefore it isn’t Matter now because Matter (the word used) is meant to describe all that is before matter becomes Matter. Trying to take this concept on board, perhaps it’s like the twinkling in a mother’s eye before conception of a baby.
Denise: And all these dizzying attempts at definition of nothingness, seemed so empty, so pointless, that I came away dizzy and depressed.
Khamara: Is that because you were wanting answers and a code for living?
Denise: (I laughed at this) Yes, having rejected all religions that I’d looked through I was now going to hear about the thinkers and Mystics, still looking for answers.
Khamara: Instead of finding your own…?
Denise: Well yes. And yet this reminds me of Osho whom I’ve read and written about previously, his quote: ‘I am not here to give you a dogma – a dogma makes one certain. I am not here to give you any promise for the future – any promise for the future makes one secure. I am here simply to make you alert and aware – that is, to be here now, with all the insecurity that life is, with all the uncertainty that life is, with all the danger that life is. I know you come here seeking some certainty, some creed, some ‘ism’ somewhere to belong to, someone to rely upon. You come here out of your fear. You are searching for a sort of beautiful imprisonment – so that you can live without any awareness.’
But even knowing that, even having read that several times, yes, I think it’s fair to say, I’m still looking for answers and a reason for us being here or answers as to who I am. I’m not putting it very well.
Khamara: Yes, you are and we all seek to answer these questions. Didn’t your teacher go further?
Denise: Well, maybe she will. In our next class. She is a good teacher and she does throw our questions back on us and gets us to reflect on them and define our words and terminology. In fact someone mentioned cells and cells dividing, I forget in which context but I suddenly saw them so clearly and said that even cells dividing have intelligence – they know how to divide. They are such small units and yet they have the knowledge of everything they need to know. They can even grow a body.
Khamara: That’s right. And you know what – I cut a FLOWER from my garden. I noticed that the DAISIES in the garden opened and closed at various times during the day. Then I noticed that the cut flower opened and closed too at the same time as the flowers in the garden. Even a cut flower had still retained its intelligence about opening and closing.
Khamara: And that intelligence is within us, of course. We’re made of those cells. We didn’t make us. You didn’t make your body. You don’t make your thoughts – they come and go repeatedly. Like mine. I can attach to my thoughts. I can attach to my emotions but I know I am not my emotions, as they can change in an instant. I don’t control my breathing, something breathes me. This indefinable thing is everywhere outside and within me. The Light that is in me reaches the sound that is in you. The light in me hears your sound. We have intuition, which is beyond words. Yet of course, we want to be told what to believe. We want to be told how it is…and that way we can become imprisoned as many peoples have been through the centuries and still are today. But, I am not my body; I am not my mind; I am not my emotions: I am eternal. How can I know that? (Can you answer that bit?)
Denise: No. Not yet!
Khamara: How is the new synopsis for Black Icon coming along? Have you been able to include your passion about icons and mysticism in it?