It all began when Russell Bradley painted my portrait. My necessity to be invisible has been with me for a long time. Invisible of voice and face. When I looked through a version of my memoir recently, I read that I promised as a young girl, (after messing up my speech in Church) that I would never speak (publicly) again. I wonder if this has something to do with the deep reasons for not being out there, as I would like, with my work?
Having people talk about my portrait was a first, and a lovely experience. When Russell painted another, which for a nano second seemed exposing as he showed my sad face, and then another, to the world…but I quickly let go. I said to myself, it’s ok, I can show the world my sad face, plus my… don’t mess with me face, without getting punched in the face as happened when I was a teenager. And it was freeing.
Russell (http://russellartist.wordpress.com) wrote: Portrait of Denise E Gow “The Face is an embodiment of her Future self. A dynamic woman, strong sensual and intelligent. The depth of shadow on her face expresses the profound experience of life. A writer must survive such pain to become self-aware and relate it through her work.” And reading that made it feel ok too. Freeing.
Well, this is new. This is a revelation. So, the world can see my sad face which many people used to mimic and reminds me that my father’s nickname for me was MinkMonx, but which stood for Misery. Misery was my father’s name for me.
I do hope I can now go out into the world, which others find so easy and which for me has always been terrifying. You may find this odd as I’ve worked as an award winning director for years. But as a director you can easily hide, I found strategies to do this. Perhaps now I won’t have to. I’ll let you know.